Now, the topic I wanted to talk about today is managing our anger in the workplace.

We get angry when we feel threatened. It is a survival response.

As leaders, we often deal with other people’s mistakes.

Our emotional intelligence and how we show up in those moments can make or break our business, relationships and reputation.

Here is what has helped me work through my moments of anger at work.

When someone’s mistake undermines what you are trying to accomplish

I remember when the person I hired to help me with the tech during a virtual workshop made a series of mistakes.

That resulted in an experience that was not up to the standard I wanted to deliver to my clients.

I focused on my part during the workshop and even made some jokes about it. The next day though, I was fuming.

I cared so much about my work that my mind interpreted what had happened as a personal attack.

It felt so unfair that my efforts were undermined by someone’s lack of preparation or care.

I needed to calm down urgently, as I had a lesson to deliver in one of my programs.

I needed an urgent fix for my anger, as the last thing I wanted to do was show up in front of my clients in this energy.

I went into the app “The tapping solution,” paid for the premium version, and found a tapping meditation about releasing anger. I tapped myself through that for 9 minutes. It worked like a miracle!

I showed up in front of my clients with the most beautiful energy. You would not have believed that a few moments before, I was feeling like Hulk.

I did not book a postmortem meeting with that team member while I was angry.

I kept our communication on email that stuck to the facts. I booked the retrospective a few days later when I had already calmed down.

During that meeting, we spoke openly about what we both did wrong.

What could I have done as the leader to support him in showing up at a higher standard?

I calmly explained the standards, and we created a plan of action for this not to happen again.

As you are doing your retrospective meetings, look for ways you contributed to the mess rather than blaming the other person. Look for learnings rather than guilt.

When you believe you are being treated unfairly

The service I had received from a supplier had been horrible, and the job did not get done.

I asked for a refund, and I had every right.

They offered me a “credit” towards future use of their service.

Like I would ever want to work with them again – it was not the first time they provided a bad experience.

As I was getting all worked up about the “unfairness,” the words of Melanie Ann Layer rang through my ears:

“Is a moment of self-righteousness worth sacrificing your energetic frequency?”

My anger was justified. But it wasn’t worth it.

I was getting ready to lead one of my flagship group programs.

I could choose to stay in low emotions because I was right.

Or let it go and stand strong as the leader that I am.

Where attention goes, energy flows. And I chose to direct my attention to the thousands of things that were working.

As you are getting all worked up about all the ways you have been wronged, remember to ask yourself:

“Is a moment of self-righteousness worth sacrificing your energetic frequency?”

When our kids make mistakes

I rarely get angry with my kids. It is one of my superpowers as a parent.

I do not expect them to behave like an adult, nor do I take what they do personally.

I do not presume my kids will live according to my preferences. If I want them to adopt a specific behaviour, like cleaning up their mess, it is my job to teach them.

I posted this the other day on Instagram, and it blew up:

– “Mummy, I was putting some cereal, and I spilt all the milk on the floor”, said my 6-year-old.

– Do you need help, honey?

– Yes

I paused work, and we cleaned the mess together.

When my kid is in trouble, I do not want them to think, “my mum is going to kill me.”

I want them to think, “I need to call my mum.”

This kind of trust is built early and with little things like spilt milk.

By the way, the same applies to leading our team.

When we are helpful instead of punishing them when they make mistakes, they are more likely to come to us when there is trouble.

Staying Composed At Work

Anger is a natural and even helpful emotion when we are threatened or unfairly treated. It helps us protect ourselves and our young.

When I coach teams, I do not ban emotions, including anger, from their conversations. They are human, and being emotional means they care.

I work on reducing toxic behaviours like blame, sarcasm, stonewalling and defensiveness.

Summarizing some of the strategies I have used to deal with my clients and my anger at the workplace:

  • Remind yourself that you are safe – whatever they did, it is a manageable threat. Your life and family are not in danger as much as your body thinks they are.
  • Just like you would not expect kids to behave like adults, level your expectations to the amount of training, clear guidance and seniority someone has. They might also be having a bad day or personal issues.
  • Hold off from having an in-person postmortem while emotions are high.
  • Do not use toxic behaviours like blame, stonewalling, defensiveness and sarcasm.
  • Try using tapping (EFT) for an urgent calm-me-down.
  • Remember the phrase: “Is a moment of self-righteousness worth compromising your energetic frequency?”
  • If your reaction is disproportionate to the situation at hand, it may indicate that you need to heal something from your past. Find the time to do the inner work and release the block. This way, similar events will not trigger you in the future, and you can deal with them clear-headed.
  • If you are an emotional person, share it with your team members when you hire them. This does not give you permission to be disrespectful or unprofessional, of course. Still, it explains that this is a business where emotions are accepted and even embraced. As long as they do not turn into personal attacks.

We want human businesses and people who care about their work. Emotions do have a part in the workplace.

But, if not managed properly, anger can lead to a toxic and psychologically unsafe environment.

The more stressed people are about your reaction, the more mistakes they will make.

Which of the ideas above about managing workplace anger resonated the most with you? Hit reply and let me know.

Take care,


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